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Bella Swan gets a lot of flack for...well, everything. She’s been called insipid, pathetic, a victim, a feminist’s nightmare. In many circles, she has become a byword for “weak, useless person.” It’s true that Bella is often pushed around by the men in her life. But why do we blame Bella for being pushed around and blithely ignore the men who are doing the pushing? There is a lot to admire in Bella. She’s loving and kind hearted. She’s self-sacrificing. She’s tenacious. She’s brave. But people often overlook these traits and instead choose to focus on Bella’s supposed victimhood and slavish devotion to Edward. 

Yes, Bella loves Edward and would do anything for him. But, lest we forget, he’s not the only one for whom Bella is willing to put her life on the line. One of Bella’s most defining character traits is her love for her family, and she shows that love time and time again throughout the books. Edward’s first major rescue occurs not because the villain has swept away an unresisting damsel in distress but because the damsel sought out and surrendered herself to the villain in order to save her mother’s life. 

This isn’t the only time Bella steps up for the sake of her family. She chews out a bunch of werewolves on behalf of her best friend Jacob, whom she sees as a brother. She faces down the Vulturi to save her daughter, and she does everything in her power to keep her father safe from the dangerous world she inhabits. Edward is not the single, all-consuming interest in Bella’s life: He’s part of her family, and she acts accordingly. 

When Edward leaves her, it shatters her world. Many see this as a sure sign that Bella lacks the fortitude we expect from Strong Female Characters. They call her weak, stupid, pathetic...but here’s the thing: We would--or, rather, should--never, ever talk that way about a real woman who suffers from depression, regardless of the cause. Furthermore, what happens to Bella in the book happens to both women and men in real life all the time. It’s nothing even close to unheard of for people to fall into a severe depression after losing a loved one, be it to death or divorce or a simple breakup. 

I myself have suffered from heartbreak twice in my life, and both instances took their toll. The first time, I was just a little older than Bella. I dropped twenty pounds in less than two weeks, and I wasn’t heavy to begin with. The second time, I had ten years on Bella in terms of experience and emotional development, and it still took me over a year to really feel like myself again. 

Does that make me useless or pathetic or a poor role model for young women? It does not, and Bella’s suffering doesn’t make her any of those things, either. Mocking fictional characters and judging them for their depression only reinforces the stigma that we’re trying so hard to fight against in the real world. 

If Twilight is a bad love story, it’s not because Bella is an anti-feminist pod-person worming her way into the minds of impressionable teens. The really disturbing stuff lies squarely in the court of our sparkly hero himself, Edward, who is constantly undermining Bella’s agency as a character. He’s overbearing, he’s controlling, and he’s constantly telling Bella that she’s fragile and vulnerable and his to protect, even if it means making decisions for her. 

Let’s take his abandonment of Bella, which is arguably his most egregious offense. He readily admits that he knew he would have to lie to her in order to make her accept that he was leaving. He knew exactly how strong her feelings were, and he dismissed them. Rather than treat her like an equal, rather than accept her love and respect her ability to make decisions for herself, he treats her like a child. He takes away her right to choose. And, later, he has the gall to chide Bella for so readily believing that he didn’t love her when he himself is constantly telling her, not only through his actions but to her face, that she’s not strong or capable. Is it any wonder, then, that she doesn’t feel worthy of his love?  

It doesn’t stop there. Once he--grudgingly--accepts that Bella deserves to have him in her life if that’s what she wants, Edward loses no time in exerting his control over her, most notably in regard to her friendship with Jacob. Once again, Edward treats Bella like a child who needs to be protected rather than an equal partner in a romantic relationship. Which brings us to book four, in which Edward finds out Bella is pregnant and immediately begins making plans to abort the baby without consulting her. Once again, he completely ignores Bella’s right to make decisions about her body. What’s worse, he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. It never occurs to him that Bella might have an opinion that doesn’t align with his. 

It’s all pretty damning. But what people often forget, or ignore, is that Bella comes out on top every time. Let’s take stock, shall we? One: Edward abandons Bella because he has never taken her feelings seriously; he winds up back at her side after she flies halfway around the world to save him from the Vulturi, even while fully expecting him to leave her again. Two: Edward doesn’t like her friendship with Jacob and goes so far as to sabotage her vehicle in order to prevent them from seeing each other; Bella goes to see Jacob anyway. Three: Edward goes over Bella’s head to arrange an abortion; Bella takes the matter back into her own hands and has the baby. Bonus: In the process, Bella becomes an immortal, something which she has repeatedly told Edward that she wants and which Edward has just as repeatedly done his best to prevent.

The biggest problem with Twilight, in my mind, is that neither Edward nor Bella ever really acknowledges Edward’s lack of respect. As a result, it’s easy for readers to see Edward’s protectiveness as a romantic quirk instead of the huge, honking character flaw that it is. Though Bella fights back and doesn’t let Edward dominate her, she never holds him accountable for his attitude. This too is a flaw, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing--perfect characters are boring, unrealistic characters, after all. But we need to recognize flaws for what they are, and with flaws such as Edward’s and Bella’s, it’s important that the characters recognize them, too. 

I’m sure much of this has been said before, but if it has, it bears repeating: Bella is not the problem, and Bella-bashing is just another instance of people--men and women both--blaming women for the things that are done to them by men. It happens all the time in the real world to real women, and it’s not okay. So let’s be a little bit more discerning and a lot more fair in how we discuss fictional characters. They’re not just words on the page; they’re reflections of ourselves.